Sunday, September 21, 2014

Whispers of Fairy Tales

Before Little Dorrit was born, I truly had high hopes that she would be born healthy and we'd be able to leave the hospital with her within a few days after she was born. I'd heard stories where babies were born at 36 or 37 weeks and had very few issues, if any at all, and were able to go home soon. Or if they had an issue it was just that they needed a "little" help breathing and then were able to go home. Our baby needs a lot of help breathing. In fact, if there were no ventilators, oscillators, surfactant, nitrous oxide or any of the other various medicines and machines assisting our baby, she would not be alive right now.

Little Dorrit has her own room in the NICU and having been in other NICUs before, Mr. Rochester and I were very surprised and impressed at this. Besides just having a child in the NICU, something that has been very hard for me is that we haven't been able to hold her yet and we aren't really even supposed to touch her. On the door to her room, there is a sign that says "Minimal Stimulation Please." Because she has been poked and prodded so many times, her oxygen saturation levels go down and her heart and blood pressure rates quickly rise if she is overstimulated and it takes a long time for them to return to normal. She is actually sedated most of the time to help her keep her oxygen at a good level. The lights are dark in her room and all the nurses speak in whispers. It is so hard because I just want to hold, hug, and touch her and I haven't even seen her with her eyes open yet.

The hospital where she was born actually has a Barnes & Noble in it and two days ago, Mr. Rochester came back to the room with this book of fairy tales.

Despite the low stimulation rule in Little Dorrit's room, yesterday, Mr. Rochester and I began reading to her from the book in whispered voices. I don't know if she can hear us over all of the machines or if it even makes a difference, but reading to her and just being present in her room when I can helps me feel like I am doing what I can to show her how much I love her.

Little Dorrit continues to be in a stable condition. The nurses were unable to get the arterial line in yesterday and have other plans to take care of her and monitor her blood gases without the arterial line. If her oxygen saturation levels  stay high, the nurses will eventually try to move her back down to a normal ventilator but I think it will be awhile before they start to do that. She still needs to keep up her levels steadily.


Kelly said...

I'm glad you get to read to her. I'm sure that hearing your voice helps her, even if it's just comforting. I hope you get to hold her before too long. Love you!

Jani said...

I had those high hopes for you, too. From what I can tell, you've handled your disappointment with grace and a huge amount of strength and love. I adore you so much, my friend. Keep reading to her, I'm sure she knows that momma and daddy are there with her when you do.

Mary said...

You are the sweetest Mommy and Daddy!! I'm sure your sweet baby girl can feel of your amazing love for her!!! We are praying and praying for you all!!! Love you!!

sarah said...

She is a very lucky baby to have you and Mr. Rochester as parents. I'm still praying for all of you.

Juli said...

We will also pray for you and your new baby. Love, The Sallings