We have less than a month to go before our scheduled C-section so I feel like all we have to do now is just wait...wait and see if something happens...wait and see if nothing happens. Maybe everything will be fine...maybe it won't and we'll have to deal with another "infant demise" as it is described in all my medical records. This is the time in the pregnancy where I'm starting to feel the most nervous/anxious because at this point in our previous pregnancies, everything was fine (to our knowledge) until we had to have emergency deliveries at 37.5 weeks.
While we wait for our delivery date, I have non-stress tests (NSTs) every week to check the baby's heart and movements. If there is a non-reactive NST, then that means we'll probably have to have another emergency C-section and whatever has caused the non-reactive NST has already happened. So, like before, we will have very little chance of medically "fixing" the problem after the baby is born. And unfortunately, there is no way to catch in advance whatever happened with our previous babies at 37.5 weeks because we still don't know what caused their issues. We've come so far without incident, I keep hoping and praying the rest of the pregnancy continues to be that way. I know there are a lot of people praying for us and we are so grateful for all of the good thoughts and prayers that have been sent up on our behalf.
Sometimes, I get really excited when I think about the baby and other times I just feel scared of the unknown and what could happen in the next three weeks. The other day, I bought some girl baby clothes (they were on sale) - not too many though because I'm so hesitant to buy anything to add to the two or three boxes of girl clothes in the attic that have never been worn. I think this weekend I'm going to get those boxes down from the attic and find something for the baby to where when we get to take her home from the hospital! (see, I'm being optimistic, I used the word "when") Or maybe I'll just go shopping and buy her just one little special thing. We've asked friends and family to hold off on buying baby gifts and hosting baby showers until after the baby is born. It just makes things easier that way, I think. Whatever happens, we will be okay. We are hoping for the best outcome and even celebrated our hopefulness by taking some maternity photos with the super talented Lissa Chandler. Here are a few of my favorites.