Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Update

So, here's the skinny:
I spoke with my doctor on Monday and my blood test came back negative. Basically, that means that we don't have NAIT and no one really knows what is causing our babies to die after they're born at 37.5 weeks. The feeling I got from my doctor was that we'll probably never figure this out, although we are going to continue on to do some more genetic testing at this time. Frankly though, this is just discouraging. I was so sure we had NAIT and that we'd figure this out and be able to manage another pregnancy. But, if we never find out what's going on, I can't do this again - it's costly to every aspect of my life: physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, financially. I. just. can't.

We are so blessed to have Trotwood in our lives, and we may just have to accept that, perhaps, he was our miracle baby. I am working on dealing with the possibility of never finding out what is going on, but it is so hard for me because I want answers. And I wanted them yesterday. This whole process all takes so long too - my doctor has to write letters of medical necessity to our insurance for genetic tests to be approved and I feel like I'm just waiting on other people to do things for me and if it were up to me, I'd be getting these things done right away.

Okay, so I'll stop being Debbie Downer and instead leave you to watch a funny SNL skit featuring Debbie Downer. It makes me laugh. And lately, laughing is just what I need.

{P.S. Feel free to comment. I could use some comment love.}

11 comments:

Jani said...

Oh, Aria, this just breaks my heart all over again for you. How can it NOT be NAIT?????? How incredibly frustrating this must be for you. Your sweet baby girls are beautiful and special and wonderful and I so wish you had some answers, something help you move forward and find a way to build your family. I will pray more. And then again that somehow you will get those answers. Love you so much.

Mama Bean said...

HUGS!!!! Love you!!!

Michelle said...

I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be to not know the reason for that happening. Hopefully the further testing will be able to figure something out. I will keep you and your cute family in my prayers! Miss you and love you!

Doodle On Yoo said...

I hope you can find answers, I think about your girls so often, so many here on earth love them, and pray that someday you will be given an explanation and reason for their quick return home. You might not get it here, but someday you will know. Trotwood is so lucky to have such a strong momma!

Mrs. Cinnamon said...

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU ALL! I've said it before that your strength astounds me. Insurance hoops stink, but hopefully in this case, your patience will be rewarded. Love you!! mmuuaahh!!

Candy Fam said...

I love you my friend!

Michelle said...

I am at a loss for words! Please know that you are in many prayers and that many hearts are breaking for you in this trying time. You are very loved and I have always admired and looked up to you!

Anonymous said...

I know we haven't actually seen each other for years, but I keep up with you on here very regularly and it breaks my heart every time I think about what you must be feeling. I hope you get the answers you are seeking soon. I know that the unknown can be the most frustrating of all. You are the most kind hearted person I think I have ever met. I can only imagine you to be an incredible Mother and a blessing to all whose lives you have touched. Much love and hugs....
Jennifer Padgett

Mary said...

Oh Aria!! I am sooo sorry and so sad for you! We will keep praying for answers! Love you!!!

Joy said...

i'm sorry the tests didn't help. that can be discouraging. but, i agree with you. trotwood is a miracle baby!

Cormorant said...

Danggit! I'm sorry for the added frustration and lack of understanding. As annoying and hard as this probably is, maybe it's a process to rule out different things? If that's the case, you're one step closer to finding the real cause. I hope so. Keep going--you really are tough and you can do it. Sending love and prayers!